Marksworld: Multimedia Adventures of Mark Davis

WE HAVE A WINNER:

The show begins, and there’s your final two, decked in gleaming white like a scene from some backwoods arranged marriage. Oh, but wait, everybody’s in white for one last big group number, Gaga’s “Born This Way.” Nice enough.

Then it’s time for ejected contestants to get the thrill of a moment on stage with real stars. James Durbin gets to sing with-- Judas Priest? Wait a minute, the payoff was supposed to be James getting to sing with Steven and/or the rest of Aerosmith. This is a big step down, even though seeing James and Rob Halford and the other grandpas from Priest bust out some “Livin’ After Midnight” and “Breakin’ the Law” was pretty entertaining.

The Randy “In it to Win It” montage shows that while the attention has been on J-Lo and Steven as the new judge blood, Randy is now the familiar glue that keeps the thing comfortable.

Time for JACOB LUSK’s moment, and they wisely teamed him with Kirk Franklin for a gospel moment, the only genre that promises a career for him. And that’s not criticism. He could actually be a guy who brings black gospel into the mainstream, following luminaries like Franklin and Andrae Crouch. Throw in one of my all-time faves Gladys Knight, and I was bowled over.

I had wondered who CASEY would get paired with. Someone probably thought the Jack Black thing would be fun. They thought wrong. I love “Fat Bottom Girls,” and maybe that’s why I hated this. Also, I would have loved seeing Casey with an indie rocker or even a jazz artist. I thought he had a shot at a serious career. This did not help.

The delay in getting the ladies to the stage for “Single Ladies” reveals a rare Ryan Seacrest weakness: he is a terrible ad-libber. Their group medley does remind me, though-- this year’s girls were better than their early dismissals would indicate, especially Pia and Naima. And what a thrill for all of them to shake their collective stuff with Beyonce.

The Steven Tyler montage shows what a gift he has been to the show. This is my Bad Call of the Year, I thought the show would suck the cool out of him, but they let Tyler be Tyler and it was great.

The duet with Tony Bennett showed that HALEY may be the next Norah Jones or Amy Winehouse, the retro chick who makes a certain style cool again.

Somebody called the surviving members of TLC, thinking THAT would be a good idea. Not so much. Their fairly sad performance was drowned out by the sound of Left Eye rolling in her grave.

Finally, a good idea as Tim McGraw teams with Scotty for “Live Like You Were Dying,” showing that this young man is going to be a big star, win or lose tonight.

At last the montage of terrible moments from, the early auditions. Always good for a giggle. Then, what looked like a nice 4-minute time waste with Mr. J-Lo, Marc Anthony. But wait, there’s his bride, shaking that famous booty alongside him-- and that IS Sheila E on the drums! Very nice.

LOVED the James vs Casey vs Pia “Most Shocking Elimination” bit. NIce segue into the guys’ quirky Tom Jones medley, reminding us of the following: STEFANO has a pretty amazing range, PAUL is actually pretty ordinary, and JAMES is fairly awkward outside the rock genre. You knew this was a lead-up to the actual Tom Jones, who surprised me by turning into an elderly black man.
You knew there would be a platform for the seedy brilliance of Lady Gaga, who was creepy and incoherent as a judge, but her usual sublimely messy self for an actual performance. That’s a strange woman.

Lauren’s duet time, and you could sense Carrie Underwood from a mile away. Nice moment on “Before He Cheats,” but let’s just say she did not keep pace with Carrie as well as Scotty did with McGraw.

The Beyonce and Spiderman bits were just a mess. Moving on...

Back from a commercial break and Steven Tyler’s not at the judges’ table. Must be performance time, and “Dream On” was great...until he seemed to forget the words early on. Very odd. And I have to observe: this show is big enough to get Bono and the Edge, Beyonce and Lady Gaga, but we couldn’t round up the other guys in Aerosmith?

And our winner is SCOTTY, sending the crowd into fits in LA and back in North Carolina. I also thought it would send Lauren into a sobbing fetal position. But she was smiling and gracious. His tearful and affectionate rendition of his supposed first “hit” covered up for what a crappy song it is. But he will have other hits, maybe many. And who knows, Lauren may scratch out a medium-strength career of her own.

But one thing remains the same. Even in a hit-and-miss year, this show remains a unique burst of genius. It’ll be January before we know it. We’ll see if they want to pay J-Lo the crazy money she will ask for. She needs to learn that on her best night she is the third most interesting judge. We’ll see how that works out. Meanwhile, many in the Idol-watching world are wondering how Simon Cowell’s “X-Factor” will work out.
I’m skeptical. The appeal of Simon was within the “Idol” context.” His ship may have sailed, even with Paula Abdul back at his side.

Anyway, back to the real world. Thanks for another season of back-and-forth on TV’s goofiest guilty pleasure.

IDOL FINALE :

Right off the bat we begin with the latest drama from Lauren’s world-- now she has vocal cord problems. Why do we know this? And why do we drag the doctor out to explain this? WTF with these events that could sway judging? This drives me insane.

Okay, to the performances. Round one, the contestants pick their favorites from the season. SCOTTY wisely goes back three weeks to reprise "Gone,” and nails it very nicely. He has always been the stage presence king, and if he wins, that will be a big reason why. He and the camera love each other.

LAUREN returns to the same week with Carrie Underwood’s
”Flat On the Floor,” taking advantage of heavy background vocals to conceal any vocal strain. She seemed to lose the rhythm at one point, but was strong overall.

Round One edge to Scotty.

Round two features songs from artists the contestants “Idol”-ize. Nice concept, and SCOTTY gets “Check Yes Or No” from the iconic George Strait. This may not have served him well. All I heard in my head was the George version, which is much better.

WAIT A MINUTE. It just occurred to me the judges have not said a word so far. Is this normal for the finale? Seems very weird.

LAUREN has Carrie Underwoood pick, and gets dealt “Maybe It Was Memphis,” a 1991 Pam Tillis hit. Like Scotty, not up to the original. And another hideous dress.

Round Two is a dull draw.

Oh, NOW the judges get to talk. Randy tries to convince us we are seeing something special. We’re not. This is completely underwhelming so far. KInd of sad, actually.

Time for the songs which the contestants will release if they win. These songs are usually crap. SCOTTY gets a snoozer called “I Love You This Big,” a total disservice to his talents. But if he wins tomorrow, it will be a decent hit on country radio, which is hugely star-driven.

Hey, and the judges get to talk this round. But I have stopped listening to them. Clearly they are under orders to make this night seem electric and special. What a scam.

The original tune crafted for LAUREN, “Like My Mother Does,” sparks a huge controversy. First, they gave her a great song. I mean really great. Then they crafted a great moment, enabling her to sing it to her actual Mom in the front row. THIS CANNOT BE RIGHT. It has always driven me nuts when the show has seemed to concoct moments or circumstances clearly designed to attract votes.

This is wild. Scotty is a far greater talent, but this was Lauren’s night. Not to take anything away from her performances, but her first thank-you note should be to the show’s producers, who clearly set the stage for this. Hey, it’s a free country, they get to do what they want.

Prediction? Are you kidding? It’s impossible to know whether voters are rewarding talent or just fueling a high school popularity contest. If it’s merit, is the vote based on the full season, which would lean toward Scotty, or toward tonight, which was wrestled away by Lauren?

It matters not one bit to Scotty, who will have a career no matter what. But I may have to rethink Lauren a little bit. She might actually have something.

Meanwhile, since the actual winner is of little consequence, I just hope we get to see James Durbin and Steven Tyler sing together tomorrow night. After all, he probably should have won this thing.

IDOL FINALE PREVIEW:

I’m writing this a half hour before the final performances. Last week was silly busy, and I missed eating the appropriate crow when my call of Scotty’s dismissal failed. I wanted to get to the details of last week’s vote-off show, which I still have not seen, but some issues started to overcome me.
First, I have stopped caring about this result. I don’t mean I don’t like the show any more; I’ve enjoyed this year as much as most others, but it is because it is a talking sport and the producers do such a masterful job of creating cheesy drama.
When interesting performers don’t survive (Casey and Haley, for example), and sweet but unremarkable Lauren Alaina makes the Final 2, it’s clear the show has lost the significance it thinks it has.
This finale is officially meaningless. No matter what happens, Scotty will be selling millions of country records and Lauren will be cutting ribbons at county fairs. Daughtry proved you don’t have to win this thing to be a huge star, and several winners have proven that victory ensures absolutely nothing.
In fact, the only winners who have made a lick of a difference in our lives are Kelly Clarkson from Season 1 and Carrie Underwood from Year 4.
So ho hum, here we go. I maintain my goofy affection for Idol, but I confess that tossing opinions around about the show is far more satisfying than actually watching it.
But one thing has been proven. It is unsinkable. The loss of Simon was supposed to be a killer. It wasn’t. People thought J-Lo and Steven Tyler would be a bust. They’ve been pretty great. And the promise of incredible talent this year has not really materialized-- it’s been about like every other year, with a handful of truly remarkable singers, a few more who are worthy but unmemorable, and a few who were thoroughly ordinary.
But who cares? It’s been another fun year, and the ratings have been great. Coming later tonight, my blow-by-blow review of Scotty vs. Lauren. Of course Scotty should win. Will he? It’s impossible to know. Unlike the early weeks of the Top 12, when voters tend to weed out the mediocre, predicting at this level is an absurd exercise. Remember, Lee DeWyze beat the superior Crystal Bowersox last year and Kris Allen beat the far more gifted Adam Lambert the year before.
So bring it on and let’s get it over with. I have NBA playoffs and Ranger baseball to watch.

IDOL TOP 3:

Three contestants, three songs each. One song choice is theirs, one is from the slightly creepy Jimmy Iovine, and one is from the judges.

Beyonce is roped in for mentoring, and the first thing she asks us to swallow is “I love Lonestar,” performers of “Amazed,” SCOTTY MCCREERY’s excellent choice. I don’t know if Beyonce has ever even heard of Lonestar,. but I do know this: Scotty hit a grand slam and made an early case for winning it all next week.

As LAUREN ALAINA picks Faith Hill’s “Wild One,” I start to wonder: is Haley going to win this thing because the country vote is split? More on that later. For now, the book on Lauren here is that she hit the notes and looked great, but seemed to have breath control problems and may have muffed the ending. But we have to remember: she’s been less than stellar before and has lasted this long.

Is HALEY REINHART trying to make me root for her? Two things I love: courageous choices of songs that we haven’t heard a million times, and Led Zeppelin. But first: NO FAMILY MEMBERS ONSTAGE. Dad on guitar is lovely, but what a hugely unfair emotional advantage. But the bottom line-- this is one of the bravest and most compelling performances in my history of watching this show. And her slip on the steps may have actually helped. Haley has broken through in a vital way with this performance-- she has become likable.

Second round, Jimmy Iovine’s choices:

For SCOTTY, he chooses new country duo Thompson Square and their debut hit “Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not.” The song is, well, good, and the performance was, well, good. But not up to the bar he set for himself in the first round, and certainly not up to the bar Haley set.

Before LAUREN’S performance, we got a snippet of her golden minute with Steven Tyler at the audition, proving that she has never again been as good as that moment. But in picking another fairly obscure country act (Perry’s “If I Die Young”), Iovine does her a nice favor, even if she did vapor-lock briefly in the middle. It is clear that Lauren is not quite as good as Scotty or Haley...but that may not matter if she has a huge voting bloc charmed, which she may well have.

I had forgotten that HALEY had done one of my favorite Beatle records, (Oh! Darling) for her audition. I was in the midst of actually starting to root for her even harder when she told Ryan her main goal for Fleetwood Mac’s “Rhiannon” was “remember the words,” which looked like a direct butt-kick to Lauren for her brain fart. Maybe I’m wrong. But I’m not wrong about this: really subpar performance. Judges’ overpraise is off base.

Disappointing round.

Time for the judges to pick, which can be either a blessing or a curse. But first, Neil Sedaka, sitting with Jimmy, is one of the greatest-looking 72-year-olds in history. Whatever he’s doing, we should all be doing. Okay, maybe not EVERYTHING...

And I’m about half a fan of Beyonce-- “Single Ladies” is one of the great records of the last ten years. But that new “Who Won the World” song of hers is singularly annoying.

Okay, SCOTTY draws Kenny Rogers’ “She Believes In Me,” a chestnut from 1978 that seems out of place. And he screwed up the first few words to boot. This was not good. The storylines may be changing before our eyes if Lauren can take advantage of the stumbles of her competition.

Lee Ann Womack’s “I Hope You Dance” sure gives her the chance. And she makes the most of it, hitting high notes and showing poise like she hasn’t done before. The dress from the Pascagoula High School prom did not work, but the performance did. LAUREN may have put herself in the finals if she has a head start with a primed fan base that loves her unconditionally.

HALEY does Lauren-- and Scotty-- a favor-- by royally screwing up Alanis Morrissette’s “You Oughta Know.” The choruses were strong, but the verses were filled with rapid-fire words that she flat out screwed up. Were the judges paying attention?

Go figure. Haley wins round one, Scotty round two, and Lauren wins round three.

Picking who goes home is crazy hard now, since all of these people clearly have a constituency, maybe one that will embrace them even as they trip. Based on that, I’m going out on a limb. Lauren survives, and goes against Haley as SCOTTY loses a split of the country vote.

TOP 4 VOTE-OFF:

A pair of country duets was tonight’s first time-killer, and they were fairly entertaining. The boys did Brad Paisley’s “Start a Band,” and the ladies teamed up for Miranda Lambert’s “Gunpowder and Lead.” Lessons learned: James can handle a country tune and Lauren is twice as good when she sings with someone,

Then we got to see the Top 4 video conference with their fairly bewildered families, burning another 10 minutes.

Then the first Top 3 name... LAUREN! Did J-Lo and Randy screw Haley with their unwarranted criticism?

Next diversions: Lady Gaga in her underwear belting out “You and I,” and Enrique Iglesias in a video duet with Usher on the profoundly stupid “Dirty Dancer.” At least he redeemed himself with a nice segue into the far more listenable “I Like It.”

Season 6 winner Jordin Sparks debuted her new single, “I Am Woman,” a clear attempt to become relevant with a burst of Beyonce-Rihanna style sass. Might have worked. Whatever.

What? Fifteen minutes remaining with only 60 seconds of relevant information left? Time to roll out the video of Steven Tyler’s solo record, “Feels So Good, “ which sounds like a rejected track from a bad early ‘90s Aerosmith album.

Results time again. And oh my God, Haley survives too, guaranteeing a very controversial ejectee. And it is...

JAMES. Wow. So much for being bulletproof. This guarantees Scotty makes the Final 2, as Haley and Lauren will split the votes aimed at girls. I have to think Scotty and Haley will be in the finale.

IDOL TOP 4:

First round, “songs that inspire” the contestants. Great. Second round, the catalog of Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller. Great songwriting duo, but I can’t get past the notion that they are having a hard time coming up with themes.

So JAMES DURBIN kicks off with Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’.” Judges heap praise on a performance I found completely ordinary. Once again, I ask: is there something wrong with me? Sure, high notes, theatrics, blah blah blah. Maybe I’m just getting tired of the season. Could that be?

HALEY REINHART unloads Michael Jackson’s environmental crap anthem, “Earth Song” and makes a case for winning the whole thing. Maybe you found it screechy, but I absolutely loved it, and I’ve been lukewarm about Haley at times. These judges are high. This they didn’t like? Randy busts her for going outside her usual style zone, which other artists have earned versatility points for doing. Steven Tyler has annoyed me at times for becoming the new Paula Abdul of Unending Praise, but he was right to come to her defense.

SCOTTY MCCREERY continues to get the latitude to mine country gold with Alan Jackson’s superb 9/11 ballad “Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?” Great song, great choice, great performance. It is time to admit that Scotty might just make the final two as well, which no one expected two months ago.

LAUREN ALAINA reached the brink of elimination last week despite two good performances. To keep herself alive, she aims high with “Anyway,” a great Martina McBride record from 2006. She still seems like a fragile thing onstage, but she nailed it vocally. But was this enough to stave off elimination when Haley and Scotty were great and James seems untouchable?

Okay, time for the Lieber/Stoller songbook. Mentored by Lady Gaga. What? Oh, well, let’s just toll with it. So there she sat looking like a refugee from a brothel on Jupiter, tossing out advice.

First up, HALEY, with I (Who Have Nothing), which I remember most fondly from Shirley Bassey in 1963. Gaga told her to ramp up the theatrics, which took it a little over the top for me. But this was magnificent. Maybe it’s driven by my love for the song (go download Bassey and the Tom Jones version from 1970), but I just loved it.

SCOTTY decides to have some fun with “Young Blood,” the Coasters hit covered by Bad Company in 1976. I don’t think it lived up to his talents. It was good enough, but came across kind of hokey to me. Maybe I was just creeped out by Lady Gaga’s age-inappropriate advice for a 17-year-old.

LAUREN gets another dose of disturbing advice from Gaga (“You’re not a kid, you’re 16.” Really? This is not going well for the biggest pop star of the moment, who is great on record and onstage, but as a mentor, yikes, she is just terrible.) The song choice is “Trouble,” made huge by Elvis in 1958. She exudes some confidence for once, but the vocal suffered. I am starting to see her saying goodbye.

JAMES gets to play around with a modernized “Love Potion #9” (and get felt up by Lady Gaga in the process.) He made it his own, as the saying goes, and delivered a solid B-plus that should ensure the Top 3 for him.

MY RANKINGS: 1) Haley 2) Scotty 3) Lauren, .4) James. But I think America sends LAUREN home.

TOP 5 VOTE-OFF:

I have come to a conclusion. The staple group number at the beginning of the vote-off shows used to be lip-synced in past seasons, but are no longer. My evidence: they used to be good. Our five survivors croaking through “Happy Together” was simply painful.

And is it me, or are they running out of ways to kill time? The Hell’s Kitchen omelet nonsense was just a waste, as was the goofy wardrobe segment.

I have to admit I enjoyed the taste test. But does anyone believe Jacob cannot identify the taste of something shaped like a hot dog?

Random note: has James gained 30 pounds this week? Yikes.

J-Lo performance: “On the Floor” is a great record, and the live performance was decent. I know her booty might be spreading a little, but the MC Hammer pants were a really bad choice.

Bottom 2 identified! Lauren? Genuine surprise. She’s never been in the Bottom 3 and it seems odd that she lands in jeopardy after a strong night last night.

But she survives, leaving ejected Jacob to tell us that “America has fallen in love with me.” Must be the humility. Thank God we’re done with him at last.

Okay, we have a Final Four. It’s hard to see Lauren winning if she can dangle off the cliff after a good night. If James can’t get his act together, he may have obstacles too. But neither he nor Scotty has even been in the Bottom 3, so maybe they’re just bulletproof. Haley’s been in the Bottom 3 four times, but has really stepped up her game. It may come down to what they actually do on stage next week. As it should be, I suppose.

IDOL TOP 5:

So the theme is “Now and Then?” A song from the current era and one from when their parents were toddlers in the sixties? Great. And Sheryl Crow had some free time? Wonderful. After last week, my expectations are low. Roll it.

JAMES DURBIN rolls out his “now” with “Closer to the Edge” from 30 Seconds to Mars, which the teen voting audience will know. But, sorry. Weak selection, weak performance. For the first time, James is having trouble hitting notes. This was not good. Judge overpraise is wildly off base.

I’ve ben ready or JACOB LUSK to go home for more than a month. But in choosing “No Air,” the Jordin Sparks/Chris Brown duet, he once again plays to his diva strengths. But this doesn’t mean it was great. Somebody tell J-Lo he is far from the “best voice ever on this stage.” But he may well have saved himself for another week.

LAUREN ALAINA goes with her comfort zone with Carrie Underwood’s “Flat on the Floor,” and finally lives up to her audition potential. I will say belting out that kind of energy seemed to actually wear her out a little. But for the first time, I will say she was interesting.

SCOTTY MCCREERY similarly stays in his country womb with Montgomery Gentry’s “Gone,” a great record that should have suited him wonderfully. But either I’m getting tired of Scotty or he’s becoming ordinary. I think it’s me, because the performance had some zip and personality. So now the question is: is America getting tired of this act? If not, he could win the whole thing if James continues to trip.

HALEY REINHART spins an odd tale of having secured some “unreleased” Lady Gaga song. I am constantly baffled by people who pass up the chance to strike a chord with voters by belting out something at least mildly familiar. “You and I” sounded like warmed-over Adele on a night when no one seems able to hit one out of the park.

Time to see if the oldies chosen by these guys might suck a little less. While we have a moment, who made Jennifer wear my grandmother’s clothes?

So JAMES gets choked up at Harry Nilsson’s “Without You.” Well, I got a little choked up myself, because I think this was a total mess. And I don’t want to hear how emotional this was for James. I love the guy, but this was simply not good. What’s going on tonight?

Whatever it is, it continues as JACOB slaughters “Love Hurts,” an early Everly Brothers track made big by Nazareth Am I just getting jaded? Is there something wrong with me? I am left stone cold by most of tonight’s performances.

But LAUREN was the best of the first half, so I looked for her to soar on “Unchained Melody.” She didn’t. But it was not dreadful, and she may be developing some stage presence and confidence.

SCOTTY continues the litany of iconic ballads with one of the great records of all time, “”Always On My Mind.” It was great. A little flat at the end, but subtle, engaging and absolutely compelling.

HALEY’S choice of “House of the Rising Sun” gives her a chance to mine her torch-song talents, and she did not waste it. Great arrangement, gutsy performance. She’s not going anywhere.

SO: I don’t know if we do Bottom 3 with five left, so I’ll just rank them. 1. LAUREN, who is rally coming of age; 2. SCOTTY, who was decent in the first half and great in the second; 3. HALEY, whose second song redeemed her awful first; 4. JAMES, who underwhelmed in both halves, and 5. JACOB, whose time surely has come.